It has been a week since I last wrote about this challenge. So here is a recap of how it has been for me.
Days 14 and 15 were terrible days. They were filled with yelling and disobeying children. Nothing was going right and I lost it many times. At the end of day 15 I was laying in bed feeling absolutely horrible. I was at a loss for what to do. I wanted to stop yelling but it just didn’t seem like I was having any major brake through. I was ready to just give up. And that’s what I did…sort of. I gave up trying by myself.
I started out knowing I need God’s help in all this and had him at the back of my mind but through this whole thing I never actually came out and asked him for help. I was relying on me. So of course it wasn’t working! Right then and there I gave it up to him. I asked for his help.
“Lord, I am not able to do this on my own. Please take this into your hands and help me change. Please do something, anything to help me in this. I don’t want to be this way anymore.”
I went to sleep feeling better. I forgave my self for yelling, which is something Orange Rhino had recently emailed us about. Being able to forgive ourselves and move forward is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I asked God for forgiveness as well. When we fully surrender ourselves and acknowledge that we need him it is amazing what we can do! What HE can do!
Day 16 was a completely different day. I was calm. I was able to catch myself before a yell. My husband was able to feed off my calmness and he was able to keep his cool also. I even noticed a change in my children. They felt the difference in my attitude and they weren’t so defiant. It was a complete 180. At the end of the day I thanked God for helping me and asked him to continue to work in me.
With his help and my paying more attention to my triggers and trying to take care of my needs as well as my children’s, I have made it to day 20 with very little yelling. Even when I did yell I was able to calm down, asses the situation and change the way I was handling it making sure I let my kids know that I was wrong in what I did. In doing that, I saw a new respect from my kids. It’s incredible the difference it has made by not yelling for just for a few days.
I have a long way to go but I am feeling confident. Now every night I make sure I go to God with the day’s events. I asses what was good and thank him. I asses what was bad and ask for forgiveness. I ask for his help. He has blessed me with a wonderful family. With his help I am going to be the mother and wife he has called me to be.
*You can read more about The Orange Rhino Challenge on her blog here.*
*If you would like to read about my journey through this challenge you can do so here.*