So as I mentioned in some of my previous posts, mainly my no yelling challenge posts, I have been struggling with a lot of things. The main thing being depression. Actually doing the challenge made me realize how much my depression was effecting my relationship with my kids.
I knew I was depressed but I didn’t realize until recently just how deep I had let it go.
I started going to therapy a few weeks ago. It is doing me some good. But over the next few weeks we are going to be delving into some very deep issues. These issues are so common place in my life that I didn’t really think “wow there is something wrong with me” until sometime last year. Now we are going to explore these issues.
I am a bit nervous. Nervous in the fact that I might actually have a label-able condition. Which may be a good thing in that I can actually give a title to my issue but scary in the fact that I actually have to admit that it’s a real issue and that there is something wrong with me.
I will be blogging here and there about my progress and what I learn about myself. Maybe it will help me in dealing with it.
A few things I do know so far:
1. I feel lonely even when surrounded with people.
2. I feel like a failure as a mother and as a wife daily.
3. My obsessive behavior is getting worse and I know it is not “normal”.
4. My anger gets the best of me and I need to get it taken care of before it becomes a major problem.
5. I feel trapped in my own home sometimes. Being a stay at home mom is getting to me. I am on the hunt for a part time job so as not to go crazy. (More crazy than I might already be.)
These are just a few things I am willing and able to share at the moment. I will be sharing more as I feel comfortable. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.