I am in awe of God’s Amazing Grace.
He has blessed me so much over the last week.
I was lost. So lost in my own self pity. In all my problems and personal sufferings. Sure, I was still better off than many people. I had so many good things in my life, but there were ( and still are) some issues I was struggling with. Some physical health issues along with many mental issues and personal insecurities. I was falling apart. Barely holding it together. I was sure that I couldn’t ask God for help because I was in no way deserving. I wasn’t spending time with Him. I wasn’t praying or reading the bible. How could I ask God to help me if I wasn’t willing to take time to be with Him? How selfish it would be of me to expect Him to do something when I did nothing. But I
didn’t don’t expect it. As a human I expect Him to do what humans do, love conditionally. Love with exceptions.
But that is NOT God’s Way.
God loves unconditionally.
It’s a hard concept to grasp. To think that even when we fall short He will pick us up, brush us off, and keep us going. It doesn’t mean we won’t suffer. That we won’t have problems. Believe me, I have PROBLEMS, but we can delight in the fact that God loves us and sees us and knows us and no matter what we are going through He is there.
God also likes to put people in our lives to help us. My friends, my husband, and the Pastor at my church have been a huge help. They seem to have known just exactly what to say and when to say it. I know that that is totally a God thing. It is crazy how I have been feeling a certain way and then someone will text me out of no where and say something that just baffles me. That goes along with what I was thinking hours earlier. And then I’m sitting there thinking, “wow. Thank you God for that.”
It amazes me how dense I can be. How I rationalize not giving my problems to God. And I struggle and struggle and then, finally when I just can’t take it any more and I don’t know how to express in words how I feel or what to ask , I finally just give it up. I Say ” God, I can’t do this. I need You.” and then, because I don’t know what else to do I just pray that He listen to my heart and not my mind because my mind is so confused and I worship Him. I just worship Him. Sadly I haven’t truly worshiped Him in a long time. And you know what? He did just that. He listened to my heart. He broke away some of the chains that were choking me.
I can breathe! I don’t feel suffocated by my own low self-esteem anymore. He has awoken a confidence in me that I never knew excited.
It’s scary. But I know that I am now traveling the right path. God has been leading me here the whole time and I have been avoiding it. Out of fear, doubt, and the knowledge that I am not in control. (I have to be in control and sometimes God is like “Girl, just let go!”).
God is Amazing! That is all I can say. I don’t understand him, nor am I meant to. But one truth I can hold on to is that He loves me.
Here is your truth. God Loves You. No matter who you are, what you have done, where you are, or where you have been. He loves you. You are his child. Run to Him.