Sometimes I second guess my self. Ok, that’s not true, I always do. I can be ready, have everything I need, but I can’t bring myself to get moving.
Is it fear? Is it lack of confidence in myself?
What if I fall? Or worse, fail?
Satan will use that. In fact, he revels in our lack of confidence. He feeds on it, giving him fuel to work harder and harder on us to make us stay where we are. Never moving forward.
Frozen in our fear.
God, however, can sometimes be like the mommy bird. Pushing her young one out of the nest, knowing that she taught her child everything they need to know and they will fly when it becomes necessary.
I can almost hear Him saying, “I gave you a voice, I gave you a guitar, now get up there and play for me!”
I’m starting to hyperventilate just thinking about it.
So many thoughts go through my head when I start hearing His plans for me. I have been praying for direction for a while and then when I finally get it I’m like, “Wait. You want me to do what? Why me? Who am I? I won’t do You justice. I can’t. I’m not ready. I’m still learning. I’ll fail.” Again I need to take a breath as I’m writing this.
The thing is, I know this is God. He is using people in my life to push me. It is my hearts desire, which shouldn’t surprise me that He knows this, but I am terrified. Even with out all this, I have terrible stage fright. It does not matter how ready I feel or even if I am perfectly ok with it. When I get on stage, I start to shake, even when I’m not nervous. I get hot and goose bumpy. It’s like my body is prepping me to run for it. Danger! And then, because my body is acting like that, I do get nervous and panic and then mess up. It always happens. Of course, I know that shouldn’t keep me from doing what he wants.
I’m just so…terrified.
I just need to trust God. He knows what He’s doing. I need to focus on Him. I do this for Him and no one else.
If I look straight ahead at God and no one else, I will not fall or at least, I know He’ll catch me.