I hate how my mind works.
I obsess. I over think. I read too much into everything. I have no self-esteem and no confidence in what I do.
Why is that?
Where did that come from?
I’m trying to think back to when I was younger. I defied every one. I didn’t care what people thought. I had confidence in myself and what I thought and felt.
Now, no matter what I do even if I’m proud of it, I shy away when I show people. And if they don’t get it or understand it right away or I can’t tell what they are thinking, I automatically assume they hate it or it’s horrible. I’m not loud because I don’t want people to hear my mistakes. I wait for instructions rather than just go with the flow.
I hate that.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe I hate myself so much that I can’t see why anyone else would like what I do. I hide behind these walls I build to protect myself, but I end up locked up with my own worst enemy.