My own worst enemy

I hate how my mind works.

I obsess. I over think. I read too much into everything. I have no self-esteem and no confidence in what I do.

Why is that?

Where did that come from?

I’m trying to think back to when I was younger. I defied every one. I didn’t care what people thought. I had confidence in myself and what I thought and felt.

Now, no matter what I do even if I’m proud of it, I shy away when I show people. And if they don’t get it or understand it right away or I can’t tell what they are thinking, I automatically assume they hate it or it’s horrible. I’m not loud because I don’t want people to hear my mistakes. I wait for instructions rather than just go with the flow.

I hate that.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe I hate myself so much that I can’t see why anyone else would like what I do. I hide behind these walls I build to protect myself, but I end up locked up with my own worst enemy.



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