One of the bloggers I follow, Jackie Lea Sommers, shared some secrets with her readers yesterday in her post 5 Secrets. At the end, she asked her readers to share their secrets. I decided to write a response post.
1. I write this blog anonymously because I fear rejection. I feel like if everyone around me knew the things about me that I post on here they will treat me differently. I have only shared this blog openly with maybe less than 10 people. Even the knowledge that these people may read it sends me into little panic episodes.
2. I can not accept a compliment. This is not a secret to those who know me well, but my readers don’t know that…now you do. I think this started around the time my OCD started showing itself…when I was 13 or so. (Although I didn’t know, at the time, that the things I thought and felt were due to a mental illness. I discovered that only a year ago.)
3. I apologize for everything. I just learned, recently, that constantly apologizing can be a symptom of OCD. Very interesting. I used to get yelled at all the time for apologizing for things that weren’t my fault or beyond my control when I was a teenager.
4. I think I may want another baby. This secret is something I am just coming to admit to myself. I was sure I was done. Having my own babies anyway. I still long to adopt one day but I know that process will take so long and it could be years before I would get to welcome a child into our home. So a big part of me would be ok, I think, if I got pregnant. But I’m still not at that point where I am ready to say to my husband, “ok. Let’s try!” But the desire to have a little girl is growing every day.
Now it’s your turn.