Mental Health Monday – Seeking Help

Some of my readers may have noticed that I have been away from my blog for a while.

The truth is I was am in a dark place. I sunk so deep into myself that I could not see the light. I felt like I was trapped inside my mind clawing hopelessly at the walls of my skull.

My thoughts were so twisted I didn’t know what was real. My beliefs were shaken. Truths that I have know my whole life felt wrong.

The anxiety overwhelmed me. I felt like there was something wrong when there was no danger.

My OCD was in overdrive.

I had thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore.

 

Confession

I have not been seeing a therapist for quite a while because of a bad experience with the last one. It’s been over a year since I’ve sought out help. I had it under control though.  My depression had gone away due to diet and lifestyle changes. I was doing great. Until I wasn’t.

 

Taking action

After two breakdowns and a major panic attack I finally reached out to a close mentor a few weeks ago and after hearing my doubts and fears out loud I realized I needed to do something about them and soon. So I sought out a qualified therapist to deal with my conditions. Unfortunately I live in a tiny town with very little good-quality mental health resources so I had to look in towns an hour or more away. But I found a therapist that I’m hoping will be able to help me.

Today

Today is my fist session. I am so nervous because I have trust issues when it comes to therapists due to past experiences. I can’t let that stop me, although right now I want to crawl into a ball and “forget” about my appointment. The depressed little girl in me just wants to hide away where it’s dark and safe.

 

I am hoping that this therapist is the right fit for me because I don’t know if I have it in me to search out another one.

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Mental Health Monday – Seeking Help

  1. I am so, so, so glad i was snooping around your blog today. This is really the first time I’ve been back on trying to read some from those i like.

    I’m praying for you right now. I’m glad you are getting help. it is so hard to trust people, but I have found it is the most necessary part of healing. We are not meant to be alone.

    Please let me know if i can help, i’ll share my phone number on e-mail if you’d like.

    • Thank you Chris. It went very well. She is the perfect fit. I felt a peace during that hour and everything she said was exactly what I need to hear and she had answers to many of my questions and we are going to begin extensive therapy to get me better. I will have a blog post with more details soon.

      Thank you for your support. It means a lot coming from someone who is going through similar things. I hope your stay went well and helped you.

      • You are so welcome. It was a change in therapist for me this summer that really set so much into motion. I think the previous were just nodding and smiling. His one said work and get better or get out! I was thankful.

        Warning: it got worse before it got better (which I hope is happening now) but digging in deep is always hard. Please reach out if you need to

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