Day 12 #NaPoWriMo

fountain

Photo by: J. Stephen Conn

 

The fountain welcomes strangers with it’s water song.  Weeping cherry trees bloom their white dresses just in time for a wedding as benches whisper stories of first loves and stolen kisses. The maple trees laugh at children playing tag and hiding painted rocks. The sidewalks groan at the thought of a new festival season, but the band stand eagerly awaits the crowded lawn and new talent.

Young grass peeks through mud
a new season of laughter
joy abounds

 

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This is my first attempt at a haibun. Prose it not my strongest form. Posted for NaPoWriMo and d’Verse 

I am open to constructive criticism since this is my first try at a haibun. I know I need improvement so any suggestions and critique on form would be helpful.

 

 

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Tomorrow’s Coming

Tomorrow’s coming

I know it to be true

it will be a day much like today

monotony

child tears and laughter

haunted day dreams

piles of laundry

dishes, old and new

job one

job two

kiss from the husband and a quick

I love you

jumbled thoughts

of past events

and future possibilities stuck on repeat

food cravings and warped mirrors

doubt

fear

a little loneliness

nothing new

tomorrow’s coming

I know it to be true

 

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Day eleven for NaPoWriMo.

Today’s prompt was to write about what your future would look like.

 

I Just Need a Moment…or Two

 

I let the water fall over me
not hot enough to burn but turned up enough to hurt a little
to overpower the pain of the voices
the thoughts that pelt my mind
like pea sized hail in constant down pour
puncturing tiny holes in my sanity

 

I let out a whispered scream
don’t want to wake my husband and toddler
napping down the hall
my two boys are playing some game downstairs
but they might as well be right outside the door
their whiny voices

“Get your leg off me!”
“Ow!”

carry up the stairs penetrating my moment of solitude

I scrub at my scalp
wishing I could peel it off and massage my brain
maybe then it would relax
and give me peace, if only for a little while

I crank up the heat a bit more
Stopping at ‘pink skin hot’
I need a few more minutes

 

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This is my entry for day Ten of NaPoWriMo. It’s a day late but it took me a while to get what I wanted to say to come out right.

Prompt:  “write a poem of simultaneity – in which multiple things are happening at once”.

Morning Dance

Shoes

           check

Hat

           check

Backpack left under the chair

                                                  over there

A tangle of arms

              “Hold still”

Tiny fingers try

             Wiggle

                          Squirm

A fight of the wills

Seconds

                 tick

                          tick

                                   tick

Mommy’s patience dwindles

Sigh

Almost done

Zipper breaks

                        Cheap coat

Groan

            “Let’s Go.”

 

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This little fun poem was in response to Quadrille #54: Zip It! over at dVerse. We had to include any form of the word zip and had to use exactly 44 words.

Getting kids ready for school, always a chore!

 

 

Daily Torment

Out of reach

I lift my arms

To no avail

Lofty, unattainable

I gawk at my mind’s mirror

I cry out

Call out

Stop.

Can’t.

Not good enough

Here I am.

A spec.

A blip.

Take a step

SLAM

Pick the brick from my skin

Walls meant to

PROTECT

KEEP OUT

                                                         Kept in

                                                                              Diminished

                                                                                    Inadequate

 

                                       Beaten down

Get up

Stumble

Get up

Fall

Get up

“Stay Down!

Small.

Insignificant.

Imposter.”

 

I lift my weary head

 

I.

 

STAND.

 

AGAIN.

 

 

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For this poem I use prompts from Day Six and Day Nine for NaPoWriMo.

Six challenged us to play with line breaks and Nine challenged us to write about when something big and something small come together.

This poem is about the daily fight with mental illness(BIG) and self(small).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unlock The Mind

So I have been away for quite some time. I will definitely get into the details in another post (or several). Recently I have been wanting to get back to writing and blogging but just haven’t been able to get myself motivated. But when I logged into WordPress today I noticed the Writing 101 started up again. I had signed up to do the last one but wasn’t able to participate. Well it’s about time I do something about that! I missed day one but that’s ok. I am going to post as I can. I really like the prompt for day one so I am going to just go ahead and post my response anyway.

The assignment:

To get started, let’s loosen up. Let’s unlock the mind. Today, take twenty minutes to free write. And don’t think about what you’ll write. Just write.

Keep typing (or scribbling, if you prefer to handwrite for this exercise) until your twenty minutes are up. It doesn’t matter if what you write is incomplete, or nonsense, or not worthy of the “Publish” button.

And for your first twist? Publish this stream-of-consciousness post on your blog.

 

 

 

Here goes nothing

Setting forth on a journey of the mind

what will come of it?

no one knows

for the story has just begun

as I type, I wait for inspiration to hit

like a brick to the head

or would that hinder me?

causing amnesia

more like hitting a brick wall

stopped in my tracks

nowhere to go

if I just took a moment

closed my eyes and opened my thoughts

a small segment of a song plays over and over

“here I am

once again

on my face

in awe of Your grace”

I just need the inspiration to finish it

to feel the words

to hear them flow through my heart.

Lord God, please speak the words to me

so that I can hear them.

So that I can play them.

My heart’s desire

is to write of Your grace.

My intentions are cloudy

I want to redirect my line of vision

to You and You alone

Please hear my cry

My heart beats for You

much like the beat of a drum keeping time with Your poetry

Sweet Slumber

Daily Prompt

“Tell us about times in which you linger — when you don’t want an event, or a day to end. What is it you love about these times? Why do you wish you could linger forever?”

Golden light peeks through  the curtain and dances across a young women’s face. Feeling the warmth, she shifts in her bed. Pulling the blanket over her head, and dreading the moment her kids come in. It’s not that she’s sleepy, but that she is just not ready for the day. Not ready to get up and go through the motions.

When she hears the door creak she holds her breath, hopping her son will finally think to himself, “oh she’s sleeping. I should leave her alone.” But of course that doesn’t happen. Soon he is by her side and with a nice high-pitched voice says, “Mommy, I want to go downstairs!”

“Just a few more minutes. OK?”

“NO! I’m hungry and thirsty! I want to go down stairs!” , he whines.

“Mommy needs a few more minutes, please.”

“OK.”

He crawls up next to her and pulls on the blankets creating a cold breeze. She shivers and rolls over. Her son lays there quietly for about thirty seconds.

“Mom, I had a dream can I tell you about it?”

“Sure,” she says with a sigh.

“Well it was a big dream so maybe later….Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Are you ready to go down stairs yet?”

“Just a few more minutes, please”

“Ok…but just one minute.”

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/17/daily-prompt-linger/

I Believe

Daily Prompt

“For today’s prompt, tell us three things that you believe in your heart to be true. Tell us three things you believe in your heart to be false.”

3 Things I believe to be true

I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins.

He is my savior. I have been washed clean by his blood and was born anew through him.

My husband is the man the Lord chose for me to marry.

My husband and I knew we were to be married before we even started dating. We both knew that “dating around” was not for us, nor what God wanted for us. So when we started hanging out and we wanted to start dating each other, we prayed about it, both apart and together. We would not date if we knew it wouldn’t lead to marriage. (I know, so not the ‘norm’ but we have never been ‘normal’ people.)

I would lay my life down for the safety of my children.

I love my children and would do anything to keep them safe. They are the two most wonderful boys. They make me so proud to be their mom. I can’t express just how much I love them.

3 Things I Know to be False

All the negative things I repeat to myself everyday.

I have horrible self image and horrible self esteem. I constantly pick myself apart and tear myself down. I know these things to be false yet I continue to say them to the point of almost believing them. I am so weighed down by all these lies that I can’t even accept a compliment.

I am fine.

I used to tell people this all the time. Because it’s what people want to hear, or it’s just easier. But I am not fine. I don’t ever go into too much detail. If people knew what I struggled with on a daily basis I would be labeled crazy. In fact, I might actually deserve that label. I’m currently on the journey to finding out.

I am a bad mom.

Every mom feels like this at some point. That they are not good enough. That they fall short to other moms. I think I struggle with this because of all the stress I  put myself through daily and sometimes I feel like I am not paying as much attention to my kids as should or that I am just not good enough. But that’s just not true. It’s just one of the many lies satan throws at me to bring me down further than I already am. But God picks me up and carries me through.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/16/daily-prompt-i-believe/

A Change

 

Daily Prompt: If  You Leave

“Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?”

 

I now know that I was not meant to be a stay at home mom. At least not full time. I recently decided that I needed to leave my house and do something for me.

Having a job might not seem like a break to most but to me it means socialization and getting to talk to people older than 4!

Sometimes a mom needs to talk to someone who has a grasp on the real world for a change.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and staying home was what was best for us in the beginning. But this momma needs a break. To get out of the house and feel like I’m contributing.

Yes raising children is a job on it’s own and is very important and I am not trying to make any stay at home mom feel unimportant.

Some people just  aren’t cut out for the stay at home life. I am one of those people. I start to feel stifled if I’m doing the same things over and over. I get antsy and bored and need a change.

Thus the search for a part time job began.

After two weeks of handing in countless applications I walked into the last place on my list handed in the application and unknowingly  handed it to the hiring manager. She took one look at it and said, “Can you come in next week for an interview”? Praise the Lord! It was like it was meant to be.

I had the interview yesterday and I start next week!

I am going to miss my kids at nights, but it really is what is best for us I think.

 

 

(No this is not me. But is my job.) Photo Credit: www.peoplesinsight.com

(No this is not me. But is my job.)
Photo Credit: http://www.peoplesinsight.com

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/12/daily-prompt-if-you-leave/

Procrastination

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I am a procrastinator. There is no sense in denying it. It is who I am through and through.

When I was younger and my mother gave me chores I would always wait until my mom was screaming at me to “stop watching TV and do the dishes!” Of course that is probably pretty normal for kids. There is always something more interesting to do than washing dishes or folding laundry. Heck, I’m an adult with children of my own and I still wait till the last minute to do dishes.

I must confess I am even guilty of spending the day watching TV with my boys, surfing the web, reading and playing around and then I glance up at the clock and see that Running Man man will be home in a half hour. So I hurry into the kitchen and do a load of dishes so that the dish drainer is full and quickly sweep the floor or vacuum so it looks like I was productive.

I am actually guilty of that often.

When I was in school and we had a week to do a project I was always frantically doing it the night before, staying up late and worrying that I wouldn’t get it done. But I always did and usually got a decent grade. Same with tests. I usually studied the night before and sometimes that day in study hall right before the class. I’d usually get a good grade but because I would just cram I didn’t retain much of what I learned and I don’t really remember much of anything now.

Procrastination has always been a viscous cycle and always causes me grief and worry when I wait till the last minute. I always panic and freak out but then I finish it and realize “wow that wasn’t so bad. I wish I would have done it earlier!” But I never do. I could say I never learn but I do, I just don’t put it into practice. I know that if I do things in a timely manor I’d save myself a lot of stress but I just never seem to be able to.

It is my curse.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/daily-prompt-heat/

http://heysparky.wordpress.com/2013/07/20/sparkys-blog-challenge/