One of the reasons I put off going to see a specialist (besides bad experiences and lack of finances) was that I knew that getting better, truly attacking OCD where it hurt, would mean going through Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. I follow many blogs and have read many articles and they all say the same thing. ERP is the best way to treat OCD. But the thought of exposing myself to my fears and doubts terrified me and thus I used the excuse “I don’t have the money and it’s way too expensive.” So I put it off and continued to get worse.
But after these recent dark weeks I knew I had to push through and take the first steps to getting better. I had no Idea how I was going to pay for it as we are currently struggling financially due to some unfortunate circumstances. But God saw the struggle I was in and even though I have been doubting Him and everything He is, (this, as it turns out, is a facet of my OCD) He has graciously provided for me through my church as well as other ways.
Sitting in that room with the counselor and listening to her explain how my OCD worked and how she can treat it was eye opening. I already knew some of what she talked about but hearing it from her seemed to help me come to terms with my disorder and be willing to commit to ERP.
I am so fortunate and greatful to have a great support system. I had my husband, a close friend, a mentor, and a few fellow Christians praying for me yesterday and I could feel it. There was such a peace when she spoke and i felt like I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
This new journey is going to be hard. I know that it may get worse before it gets better, but I have to be willing to go through the pain of demolition before rebuilding can happen.
“Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a disorder of the brain and behavior. OCD causes severe anxiety in those affected. OCD involves both obsessions and compulsions that take a lot of time and get in the way of important activities and personal values.” – IOCDF
Let’s take a look at each component separately.
Obsessions are thoughts or images that occur over and over.. They are Intrusive and unwanted. The person with OCD usually knows that these thoughts are not right. They don’t actually want to act out these thoughts or want them to happen and yet they continue to come and they are disturbing and cause a lot of anxiety. These thoughts also take up a lot of time and can interfere with their day to day life.
Here is a list of common, but not limited to, obsessions. (List found at IOCDF)
Fear of being responsible for something terrible happening (examples: fire burglary)
Fear of harming others because of not being careful enough (example: dropping something on the ground that might cause someone to slip and hurt him/herself)
Obsessions Related to Perfectionism
Concern about evenness or exactness
Concern with a need to know or remember
Fear of losing or forgetting important information when throwing something out
Inability to decide whether to keep or to discard things
Fear of losing things
Unwanted Sexual Thoughts
Forbidden or perverse sexual thoughts or images
Forbidden or perverse sexual impulses about others
Obsessions about homosexuality
Sexual obsessions that involve children or incest
Obsessions about aggressive sexual behavior towards others
Religious Obsessions (Scrupulosity)
Concern with offending God, or concern about blasphemy
Excessive concern with right/wrong or morality
Concern with getting a physical illness or disease (not by contamination, e.g. cancer)
Superstitious ideas about lucky/unlucky numbers certain colors
Compulsions are repetitive acts or thoughts that the person uses to make the obsession go away. They will usually repeat the compulsion until it “feels right”. This will alleviate their stress for the moment but it won’t solve anything and it becomes an all consuming routine that takes up big chunks of time.
Here is a list of common, but not limited to, compulsions. (List found at IOCDF)