Hey everybody! I thought it was about time I had a Facebook page for my blog. So if you want to keep up with me and read some of my random thoughts and short ramblings that I don’t always post on here, please head on over (Click HERE) and like my page, or just click the like button on the side bar. Thanks for your support!
I have a new about page! (View it here)
I figured that since the purpose of this blog has changed it was about time to update my information. I am not longer anonymous. Gasp! That’s right, I reveal my name and my age…well ok just the range of my age. Age doesn’t really matter anyway. So please go take a look at it and get to know me a little better. I feel that if you know a little more about someone it can help you better understand where their writing comes from and what fuels it. Thanks so much to all those who follow my blog. I appreciate each and every one of you!
While looking for a poem I wrote the other day amongst my many saved posts and documents, I stumbled upon two stories I had saved and hadn’t gotten around to completing. One of them was just a few weeks ago, the memory behind writing that particular story was still strong in my mind. So, I was able to finish it, a flash piece just under 600 words.
The second story, I have a vague memory of writing, but nothing concrete. It was a very rough draft full of mistakes, but there is some major potential there! I left myself in suspense because the story just stopped mid thought. I want to continue this story! The sad part is, I don’t remember anything about it. I have no idea who the main character is, what makes her tick, or what her back story is. And, I have no idea where I was going with it. But there is a great adventure there my friends and I hope to be able to continue it. It may even have novel potential! But right now it is just a one page mystery that I hope to uncover and maybe someday reveal to the world!
When reading my Stats (which I do several times a day…I’m a bit obsessed) I get really excited when I see that someone has come to my blog via web search, only to be disappointed that the search terms are “unknown”.
I did notice, however, that my post I hate butterflies, gets the most hits from web searches.
I am really curious as to what these people are searching for. Did they just search for butterflies expecting research and info on them only to arrive at my blog to read the ravings of some lunatic that can’t stand these creatures that most people love? Did they think, “Wow this woman is crazy!” and move on?
Or was someone legitimately looking for other people who hate butterflies and thought, “Wow, I’m not alone!”. I really wish that search terms weren’t encrypted because I tend to obsess over these things.
I guess I should just be thankful that my blog is getting hits, not matter how they end up here. Thanks to all who read my posts, even if you ended up here by mistake. 🙂
I gave up Facebook for a week.
In my post Disconnect to Reconnect, I explained that I was giving up Facebook for one week as a way to disconnect from what
was becoming had become an obsession in my life.
Facebook had become a part of my identity and that was not ok. It was taking me away from God and I was counting other’s opinions greater than His. I felt like he wanted me to take a break. I needed a real connection with people. I needed a better connection with God.
So how did my week go?
I am glad you asked…oh, you didn’t? Well, let me tell you anyway.
I am going to be honest here and say that it was not easy for me. I was so used to sharing everything with everyone, so to suddenly have to stop doing that I had to catch myself before reaching for my phone to post anything. It took about three days before I no longer pulled my phone out to check Facebook. I even once accidentally opened Facebook up. The sad thing is that I was going on my phone to search something on google but my “muscle memory”, if you will, automatically went to the bookmark on my browser and BAM there it was starting at me with the hypnotic red notification symbol begging me to click on it and see what was going on in the “world“. I got out immediately and deleted the bookmark so it wouldn’t happen again.
I struggled a bit with the feeling of loneliness. I liked sharing about my day or my random thoughts and knowing that others were reading it and being a part of my life. So when I had a cool thought or witty comment or even an accomplishment, it was almost heartbreaking that I had to keep it to myself. No one could share it with me. And when you spend most of your day at home with a 2-year-old it get’s lonely often.
My main goal was to give up this thing that was taking up my time and devote some of that time to God.
That did not happen. Truthfully, I busied myself with other things. Satin took advantage of that. Last week was full of spiritual attacks. From thoughts of doubt, to self-hatred. Even temptation, putting things in my mind that shouldn’t be there. He has been pushing against me a lot these past few months especially since I have been taking steps in the direction I know God wants me to go. This week, he worked overtime it seems. I got so tired of walking against this strong current that I just let it take me for a bit. I am angry at myself for not pushing forward. But what’s done is done. I need to pick up and keep going. God gave me certain talents and dreams and I intend to follow through.
God still used this week for good though. By disconnecting I was able to reconnect with a friend. She lives literally two blocks from me. We go to the same church and see each other most Sundays. But we hardly ever talk. Between her schedule (she travels a lot for her job) and mine we never saw each other except on the Sunday mornings she could make it to church. We did how ever “connect” through Facebook. She posted all the time and I would like and comment as would she on my statuses. But that was the extent of our friendship.
When I posted my last status letting everyone know that I was giving up Facebook for a while, she texted me and asked to meet up for coffee. So we got together and talked for about 2 hours (with many interruptions from my 2-year-old). There was so much we were missing in each other’s lives by just seeing the highlights on Facebook. I had no idea how much she had been struggling in her marriage and in her relationship with God. I was heart broken that I let that slip past me. She also had no idea of the things I had been going through and how much I was struggling spiritually as well. It was a very good talk. We were able to get everything out. (I even cried a little.)
After that day we have continued to text and pray for each other. When she hears a song that makes her think of what we are going through she sends it to me. [It truly amazes me how much God is using music in my life, even in my relationships. It is such a great way to communicate!] We have also taken steps to start some new small group studies in church dealing with some issues that have been troubling not just us, but many others in our congregation. Things like spiritual warfare.
I didn’t think that this challenge was going to be easy, and it hasn’t been. But I made it one week with out Facebook. Bad things did happen but God is a Gracious God and good is coming out of that week.
What are my goals now?
I am back on Facebook but I am trying not to check it as often. I am also not posting everything that pops into my head. I stop and think about what I want to post. Also, the desire to post everything has left. I will continue to seek God’s help as to not let it rule my life again.
It has been one day since I gave up Facebook.
Do you know how many times I have reached into my pocket, took out my phone, and almost brought up Facebook?
To many to count.
Once thing I have learned is I have the urge to share some pretty random things that, before Facebook even existed, I would have never thought to share.
Why do people need to know that I’m eating my 3rd bowl of chicken soup?
My cat was in a crazy position yesterday. I took out my phone to take a picture and remembered that I can’t share it on Facebook so I didn’t take the picture…why?
I told Running Man that and he looked at me perplexed and said ” Why? You take the picture for you not for anyone else.”
It is completely crazy that we weigh everything we do by what other people might think about it.
The value of a statement or picture is determined by how many “likes” it gets.
How insane is that?
I know I am not the only one who does this.
I am going crazy because if I don’t share my day with people I feel alone.
To be completely honest, I haven’t used my extra time to read the bible or spend time with God.
He craves time with us. He wants to be the one we tell things to. He wants to share in our musings.
But my first instinct is to pull out my phone and tell anyone else who will listen.
Why is that?
Today is my Birthday
I am one year older…not sure about wiser, although I have learned a lot this last year of my life.
A lot has happened this past year.
Let’s recap a little.
My youngest son turned TWO!
My oldest son turned FIVE!
I created this blog.
In creating this blog I unlocked some of the creative juices that have been sitting stagnant in my head for years.
I picked up an old guitar and finally committed to learning how to play.
I found out that I LOVE playing guitar! (even though I get frustrated often.)
I got a NEW guitar.
I got a new job.
By getting said job I gained a new friend.
I joined a mommy prayer group.
By joining said group I gained several friends.
Today, for my birthday, I got a cat! Her name is Katara. My husband’s little surprise for me. 🙂 And now I am not the only girl in the house! 🙂
I’m sure there are a lot of other great things but these are that main ones that stick out.
The not so Good (But everything turned out ok)
Right before my last birthday my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
She had surgery in October.
She had intense Chemo treatments In November and December.
During those treatments I spent those weeks away from my family to be with her in the hospital.
Those were the hardest two weeks for me.
After her second treatment she ended up in the hospital for 13 days because she had some bad reactions to chemo and wasn’t able to eat for ten of those days.
It was awful.
After that she had one more less invasive treatment of chemo.
She has since recovered, is growing her hair back, and is back to work. She is still not back to 100%, but doing much better.
Because of this, my faith in God grew stronger as I clung to Him to get her well again and to get my family through it.
Also during this year I finally addressed some of my own health issues that I was putting off because of needing to be there for my mother.
I have been treating my issues with change in diet and homeopathy.
I have been on a strict diet for five months.
This last month I have been feeling so much better! I finally feel like I’m making progress.
In February I was diagnosed with OCD.
Since being treated for my health issues and changing my diet, my OCD has calmed down and is becoming manageable.
All in all, despite some of the set backs, it was an ok year. I am glad to be here, I am feeling better than last year, and I am starting to feel happy again.
Here’s to hoping this year will be a great one!